I am getting closer and closer to coming out.
Yup. That kind of coming out.
I'm really tired of carrying this secret and this is the first place I thought I could maybe say it aloud. I thought maybe if I start saying it anonymously, when the time comes to tell people face to face, I'll have more nerve.
It would be fair to tell you, at this point, that I'm not actually gay, I am just tired of the attitude the Christian church generally has towards gay people. I am tired of keeping my mouth shut. I am tired of seeing gay people that I know and love shut out of the church, and certainly shut out of full communion in many churches.
I know all the verses, so you don't have to quote any of them to me. I also believe that there are several ways to interpret those verses, just as I believe that there are several ways to interpret verses that encourage women to refrain from braiding their hair.
"Love the sinner, hate the sin." Oh dear God, I am so tired of that trite phrase.
I am born and bred in the church, a conservative one at that. I have a husband and several kids. I wouldn't look out of place at your average Southern Baptist Convention, provided most of the people there were white and average. I'm average in just about every way--weight, height, income, education--I almost have 2.5 children. Isn't that the national average now, or is it down to 1.6? I'm not sure.
Anyway, I have friends. Friends who are both openly gay and friends who are still at the stage where they feel they need to hide it. Friends who have left the church and friends who are struggling to find a place. Friends who feel they need to hide. Afraid that if they come out to their brothers and sisters, they will be singled out, condemned, stoned.
They have great precedent for believing this could happen. We are quick with the platitudes but afraid of real love. Afraid of the potential messiness. Afraid, perhaps, of our own sexuality.
My own fear of coming out, of saying that I no longer believe that homosexuality is a sin, is that I will be condemned for this. That people, my people, my church people, will shun me, label me a liberal, question my belief in Jesus and in the truth of God's word.
And my own fear makes me realize how frightening it must be for my dear friends who have come out to me, told me they were gay, waited for my response. So to honour them, to honour their journey and their courage, I know the time is coming for me to come out.
I just pray that none of you will throw stones.
This is Tara: Unkind comments will be deleted so if you can't say anything nice you are invited to say nothing at all. Seriously. Don't be a jerk. No fighting allowed on my blog. And thanks again to my wonderful friend for writing from the heart- love you!!! And I'm with ya!