Thursday, January 31, 2008

Manitoba is not Hawaii

Pin It Well I am HOME and I am SO glad to be home. I really missed my boys. They are both sleeping peacefully right now... but Olivia is still up for some unknown reason. I think she is glad to be home too.

I thought I would share with you some riveting photos from our trip to Manitoba...The weather on the way there was horrible...

But Olivia was very good considering she had to sit in her car seat for 6 hours...



The sun tried valiantly to peek out from behind the clouds...

Exciting eh? Stay tuned for the enthralling photos from our return trip...

Snow fields and cold trees. Gotta love winter in the Canadian prairies!

home again home again jiggity jig

Pin It It is the morning of our last day at the conference and I am SO excited to be going home. I really miss my boys! I have called a zillion times and they have had a great few days with grandma but it is definitely time for me to have some hugs!

My husband has really enjoyed the conference. I haven't actually gotten to participate much because my sweet Olivia hasn't really been in the "sit and listen to the guest speaker" mood. She mostly wanted to explore the hotel. Her favourite was climbing up and down the stairs. Over and over and over again.

But it has been truly wonderful not to have to clean anything!!!! Wow do I ever love housekeeping. I go away for a little while leaving my room messy and come back to fresh sheets, towels and a clean floor. Love it.

The meals have been great... except for yesterday. I managed to eat something with MSG in it and was slammed with a migraine. Stupid MSG. I still have a headache today but it is not nearly as bad.

We haven't gotten to go out at all because it is -40 ish here! That is just far too cold. We are hoping for good driving conditions for our trek home this afternoon.

I can't wait to see my boys!!!!!

Monday, January 28, 2008

I am NOT at home... for a change.

Pin It My husband and daughter and I are at a conference this week. Today we drove for what seemed like an eternity to get here. In reality it was only about 6 hours. Which is like 5 hours too long in my opinion.

Grandma is babysitting the boys. Hopefully they have a lot of fun together.

The conference is for the pastor's and their wives in our district (Saskatchewan and Manitoba). Basically it is like church for pastor's for a few days. Sort of. It is a nice time to see people we don't get to see very often and have a few days with no ministry-related responsibilities.

Olivia was super good on the drive. We were driving through a blizzard and huge snow drifts for the first couple of hours and Olivia slept. Luckily Doug and I managed to stay awake despite our severe sleep deficit. I took some riveting pictures of the incredible scenery... nothing like gray skies, blowing snow and the prairies to make for some great photo ops.

Ok. Not really. The pictures are incredibly boring... as was the scenery and the drive.

I really hope we get some much needed rest this week. I also hope my poor mom manages to have a fun time with my kids and that Aiden continues to get better!

I always find it really hard to leave my kids. Even though I KNOW they will be fine. I KNOW they love their grandma and I know she will take excellent care of them. It is still hard to leave. Especially when Aiden has been so sick. Of course he is a lot better now but he is still not 100%.

Anyway, it is late and today has been a very long day. So I am off to HOPEFULLY sleep. Nighty night.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

I bet I can fit in this box

Pin It Miss. Olivia loves boxes. She loves to climb inside of boxes. And apparently she thought that she could fit inside my hand mixer box...Yep, both legs in...
She was very proud of herself... until she lost her balance and fell over sideways.

My sweet son Aiden is feeling a bit better after some hefty doses of asthma meds. He didn't cough as much today and his breathing was relatively easy. That is a huge relief for all of us.

Here he is a couple minutes ago... peacefully snoring away in his bed...
Which is exactly what I should be doing too... forget the dirty house and the laundry and the various bits of cracker on my living room carpet... forget the dirty dishes on the counter, forget the piles of miscellaneous whatever lying about... just go to sleep.

Maybe my fairy godmother or the cleaning fairy will show up tonight while I sleep and do all my chores for me and sprinkle some sort of magic pixie dust on all of us that will instantly cure all our various sicknesses... wouldn't that be lovely?

Wouldn't it be awesome to be magic? And yes, I know I am a pastor's wife and a large portion of church-going people disapprove of magic but I personally love it. I wish it was real. I wish I could just sing a song and all the toys would march to the toy box like Mary Poppins did. I wish I could wave a magic wand and my kitchen would clean itself like Mrs. Weasley in the Harry Potter books.

I am all about fairy tales people. I love Cinderella. I love Sleeping Beauty. I love all the wonderful pretend perfect happy endings. Forget reality. I have way too much of that. Tonight I shall lay down and hope my dreams are filled with perfect un-reality.

Why aren't you listening to me?

Pin It The last 24 hours have pretty much sucked. Asthma really is a nightmare. I had to take my Aiden in to the doctor twice because he was having trouble breathing. The first doctor we saw pretty much ignored us. He kept explaining HOW to use all the asthma medication we already use every day. I kept saying "yes, I know" but basically I think he thought I was just a moron who wasn't doing it right. I tried to explain that we have been using the medications for almost 5 years steady and I really do understand that we have to use the inhalers every day... I get it. We do it. Every day. Then he checks Aiden's ears and says "they look a little inflamed" and check his throat "yes, looks a little sore... probably from coughing".... YOU THINK??? Then he sent us home with no help whatsoever. I felt like screaming and sobbing and saying "PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!!! I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR MY SON STRUGGLING TO BREATH ANYMORE!"

I then spent the rest of the day watching my son struggle to breath through fits of croupy coughing. At times there were tears flowing down his cheeks while he coughed and he would grab a hold of his dad or me because he was so scared. That is just wrong.

Finally at around supper time I couldn't take it anymore and we went into the hospital. We saw our family doctor there and she immediately knew what I was talking about. I almost cried with relief. She sent us home with a prescription for some massive asthma meds. We did the first treatment before Aiden went to bed but of course the night SUCKED. Aiden struggled all night long.

Finally after this mornings treatment he started to breath easier. Such a relief. We have to do the treatments 4 times daily for 5 days.

Of course my husband is still horribly sick with a fever and bronchitis. And I have bronchitis too. While I was seeing our doctor with Aiden she heard me coughing and told me to get some meds too.

She said "You have to take care of yourself too you know."

And I DO know that. Really. But I am not finding that super easy to do. My house is a disaster area, my family is ill, Owen and Olivia still need attention, and to top it all off we are supposed to go away for prayer retreat (pastor's and their wives conference for our district) on Monday.

We'll see if we actually go. I'm sure not leaving my kiddo while he is struggling to breath.

Have you ever noticed how things seem to happen all at the same time?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Ice Skating with Owen

Pin It This morning my son Owen got to go ice skating (for the second time in his life)... and I got to go with him and watch.

Of course one of Owen's favourite parts of the trip was riding on the school bus. He has always wanted to ride the bus to school but since we live less than 2 blocks from the school he doesn't have that option, much to his chagrin.

So here is my sweet boy so excited on the bus. He saved a seat especially for me... such a cutie pie!
Here he is ready to go with his skates and helmet on...
His teacher used to figure skate so she knows how to teach kids to skate which is a good thing considering Owen has never been skating before with us!
I was very proud of how well he did. It was so fun to watch all the kids skating... or trying to skate as the case may be.

Here Owen is looking over the wall at me after skating the whole width of the rink... he was so pleased with himself.
And of course I got to "skate" too... of course I don't actually own skates or a helmet so I had to suffice with my boots. Technically Owen was supposed to be using the chair for balance but instead he sat on it and asked me to push him around.

It was very fun and I enjoyed it immensely.

Unfortunately my husband is still sick, Aiden is still not 100% even though he is finished his prescription, and I have a sore throat. Will this flu type thingy never leave us alone????

Ok... I won't jump

Pin It Well thank-you very much to all of you who commented on my last post... I really do appreciate it! And here is what I have learnt

1. I don't have to make this huge decision in one day. I can take time to consider the options and pray about things before jumping over a cliff (so to speak).

2. It is important to know my own limits and not feel like I have to be super-mom... because I'm NOT super-mom and that is ok.

3. Other people's kids have gone through issues like this and survived.

4. I have a lot of support.

Thanks Jeri, Judy, Maggie, Amanda, Cindi, Amber, and my sweet blog-less friend Becky.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Mental turmoil

Pin It Well... I am starting to feel rather desperate to help my son cope with school and life in general. I am actually starting to consider homeschooling. I never thought I would say that. But I will do what it takes.

Here's the thing... I am TERRIFIED to homeschool. Truly terrified. I have had postpartum depression basically for the past 5 years. I struggle with keeping up to my household responsibilities as it is, never mind adding teaching to the mix.

And I have NO idea how to teach. I have absolutely NO clue how to teach a kid to read... or anything else for that matter. And I am not very creative when it comes to kid's stuff. I wish I was. But I am not.

And the depression seriously messes with me... the way I think of myself and my own abilities. I really doubt that I am even capable of homeschooling. And how do homeschool moms handle the knowledge that they are NEVER going to have a break? Ever?

I have been dreaming about the days when all of my kids will be in school and I will have time to do things like clean, organize, SLEEP, read a book, take a shower without my kids coming in every two minutes to ask me a question.

And honestly I feel sad at the thought of giving up that dream. I know that is selfish. But it has been a lifeline to me for the past 5 years. The knowledge that SOMEDAY I would have time to myself. Because I am an introvert at heart. I love quiet. I love to just wrap up in a cozy blanket, drink tea and read a book for hours at a time. I love being able to clean and have things STAY clean for a couple of hours. I am also a natural homebody. I truly LIKE being at home. I know that part of that is because of the depression but honestly I was pretty much a homebody before I had kids too.

The crazy thing is I LOVED school. I mean I REALLY adored school. I loved most things about it. I did well at school for the most part. I would have been absolutely devastated if my mom had taken me out of school. So part of me feels really guilty about taking away that joy from my son. But then again he doesn't love school the way I did.

I don't know. Homeschooling just seems plain HARD. And I am already so exhausted. I mean seriously... postpartum depression and thyroid issues don't exactly lend themselves to an excess of energy.

And what about Owen? Do I keep him in school since he seems to really enjoy it and isn't having any problems? What if he decides he doesn't want to go if Aiden doesn't go? That is what happened with Awana Kid's club at church. Aiden just couldn't handle it so we took him out. Owen loved it but refuses to go unless Aiden goes. So now Owen misses out on something he really loved because Aiden couldn't manage it. That doesn't seem fair.

I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know.

I WILL do what my son needs. Even if it means homeschooling. I just hope I wouldn't screw him up more.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Asthma is evil

Pin It I hate asthma.

It torments my household.

Last night Aiden (as though he hadn't had a rough enough day already) had 3 pretty big asthma attacks in the night. I woke up to hear his horrible croupy sounding cough and the sounds of him crying. I had to give him his asthma meds several times. I debated taking him to the hospital at one point but didn't.

He looked so pale. And he is always SO good about taking his inhalers. He just turned his precious face to me and took his medication like a pro. And I think that is sad. The poor kid is only 5 and he already takes 2 daily asthma medications and another one for emergencies.

After he took his medicine he looked at me and said "thanks mommy. I love you."

He really is so very sweet.

My poor husband spent half the night hacking out a lung. He is the only one in our household who does NOT have asthma... but last night he sure sounded like he did. Poor guy. He is back at work today.

Owen and Olivia are doing remarkably well all things considered. Olivia woke up a fair amount last night what with all the coughing and crying going on.

And our kitty Shadow almost drove me insane last night. For some reason he thought that he should be able to go outside and play in the middle of the night. SO the insane cat kept coming and jumping on me and meowing like a mad thing. I kept telling him "NO! It is a million degrees below zero outside. You already froze one ear you are NOT going outside so just quiet down!". He chose to ignore me and continued meowing and pestering me. Finally after Aiden's third asthma attack at 5:30 am I let Shadow outside. He stayed out for a whole 2 minutes and then wanted back in. Crazy cat.

So the moral of the story is that I am tired.

I know you are surprised to hear that since I am usually so full of energy having had a wonderful nights sleep and all. HA.

I haven't gotten very much done today. I did manage to tidy the kitchen a little bit but I totally feel off the "do two loads of laundry a day" train. Oh well. There is still time. Perhaps I will have a burst of energy later today... seems unlikely but it has happened before!

Monday, January 21, 2008

again

Pin It My son Aiden ran away from school again today. I am heartbroken that my five year old gets upset enough at school that he actually runs away.

He told me that he had fun this morning but then he got in trouble for not saying nice words. Then during lunch he hid under a play structure until all the kids and supervisors had gone back inside and then he ran home because he missed me too much. Keep in mind it is -35 degrees Celsius here today. Luckily he was all dressed in his snowsuit and we only live a couple blocks from the school.

His teacher called our house practically in tears looking for him.

I walked him back to school and we talked with his teacher. As I have mentioned before I absolutely ADORE Aiden's teacher. She is phenomenal. The problem with school is certainly NOT his teacher. I just want to be clear about that. I think she is doing an amazing job.

Anyway, I had to leave him there with him fighting off tears.

It really does break my heart. I feel so very sad.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Make up your minds children

Pin It I have said it before and I will say it again... what is with the constant bickering between siblings? Do you like each other or not? Make up your minds.

I did not have siblings. I LONGED to have a sister. I dreamt of having someone to play with all the time. I wished my mom would say to me "you are going to be a big sister!". But she never did. I was an only child.

And let me tell you people something... if I had talked to my friends the way my sons talk to each other I would have gotten in a whole heap of trouble. And really, if my friends had treated me the way my boys treat each other they would NOT have been my friends!

Siblings are bizarre. They can be so sweet and loving to each other one minute and then smack each other in the back of the head the next. It really makes no sense.

My sons share a room and most of the time things go fairly well. But occassionally I want to lock the two of them in their room and not let them out until they learn to get along!

My husband has two younger brothers and the first time I stayed with his family (while we were dating during college) I very nearly had a nervous breakdown about how mean the brothers were to each other! I mean seriously, it REALLY stressed me out. And I have since learnt that they are actually pretty nice to each other.

I really wonder sometimes what God was doing when He gave ME- an only child of a single mother - two sons, 17 months apart. They make no sense to me whatsoever.
This morning they were playing nicely in their room at their Lego table- yes, we skipped church this morning due to the illness that is plaguing our home... well, my husband didn't since he had to preach and all- anyway, they were playing nicely and then all of a sudden I hear screaming and the words "you're stupid" and "you're not my best friend anymore" and "I don't like you anyway" coming from the room. I rush in to find out what the problem is... apparently one son said he preferred the colour blue over the colour red.

Really.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

WHO CARES????

It would seem my sons care. Deeply. One was heartily offended on behalf of the colour red and decided he could no longer participate in a friendship with a boy who preferred blue over his beloved red.

I stood in disbelief staring at my sons as they explained the situation to me. I said nothing. I turned around and walked out of the room. Sometimes I just have no words.

A few minutes later my little Olivia toddled into the boys room. She LOVES her brothers. Most of the time they love her too.
Until she starts messing up their Lego creations. Then I hear this "-insert sound of large truck backing up here- MOOOOMMMM Olivia is touching our Lego and she's WRECKING EVERYTHING!!!!".

Before I became the mother of sons I did NOT know that boys instinctively know how to make vehicle sounds. But they do. I certainly did not teach them this. In fact I think they knew how to make these sounds well before they knew how to speak in full sentences.

And apparently every crisis must have machinery sounds of some sort inserted into it in order to convey the enormity of the situation.

The "BEEP BEEP BEEP" sound of a truck backing up is my sons way of telling me the situation has reached a critical point.

Of course since I don't allow Olivia into the boys room without supervision (Lego is not safe for little ones) I was standing RIGHT THERE and did not need the screaming ovation. But I got it nonetheless. And it is my humble observation that Olivia was in fact NOT wrecking EVERYTHING... just a couple of things!

So I removed Olivia from the boys presence and took her to her most favourite activity... bath time. Olivia LOVES to bath. And interestingly enough, Shadow (our cat) loves to watch. I don't know why.
Olivia has full babbling conversations with Shadow. I think she would really like him to jump on in the tub with her but so far he has refused.
I think Shadow watches the toys in the tub like he would watch fish in a tank if we had any. Which is one of the many reasons why I don't think it would be wise for us to actually GET any fish. I am pretty sure Shadow would eat them.... or at least play with them until they died. And I just don't want to explain that to my kids.

Speaking of poor Shadow- we think he got a bit of frostbite on his one ear because the tip of it is all bent over now. Poor guy. But that is what you get when you refuse to come inside in -30 degree weather. Crazy feline.
This is the look I got when I told her not to grab Shadow's tail. She was most unimpressed with me. Shadow was grateful though I am sure.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Just say NO

Pin It Well... this sickness flu thing is sure holding on tight to my family! My husband is still sick... but still has to preach in the morning. Owen is doing great. Aiden is recovering slowly. Olivia is pretty miserable still but I think she is getting better.

And so far I am doing... ok.

I have an intense headache and my whole body aches....

but I am NOT getting sick. I refuse.

So there.

Friday, January 18, 2008

So confused

Pin It Can someone explain to me why -40 degrees Celsius is also -40 degrees Fahrenheit? Why? -10 degrees Celsius is 14 degrees Fahrenheit. Zero degrees Celsius is 32 degrees Fahrenheit. I don't get it. Why is it different the whole time until -40? I am so confused.

But as a matter of fact it IS -40 degrees Celsius here today. Owen was actually crying by the time we walked the 2 minutes to school because he was so cold. He made his teacher promise not to make him play outside at recess today. She assured him that it was far too cold for anyone to play outside today.

My poor sweet husband is STILL sick. And he isn't even faking it. He is REALLY wiped out. I actually feel very badly for him. And Aiden is still sick. And so is Olivia. So is my mom. So is half our town.

I'm still ok (thank-you Jesus!). I must not get sick.

My son wanted to play with the computer this morning so here he is... gotta love Mac Photo Booth...





Thursday, January 17, 2008

Randomness

Pin It Well... I have about 3 minutes to write before I have to do something for someone in my house ... my husband is still sick, so are Aiden and Olivia. Aiden seems to be recovering though. He went to school today and actually did pretty good.

I am managing (miraculously) to keep up fairly well with the laundry... you may not be impressed with that but trust me, it is an accomplishment.

We have money issues.
That is all I will say about that because it is just too depressing to dwell on for long.

I will say, though, that I am VERY thankful for the Canadian health care system and our benefits plan from my husband's job. My asthma inhaler cost over $100 this month, Aiden's cost $80, and we spent another $95 on my thyroid medication and post partum antidepressants and Owen's inhaler. Not to mention the two prescriptions we got. I am so grateful that we can send in our receipts and get reimbursed for some of that money. And I am even more grateful that the Saskatchewan government decided that we are poor enough to receive provincial health benefits which means we only pay a fraction of the actual costs of our kids prescriptions. If we weren't part of these programs we would not be able to afford our medications. So once again I say YAY Canada. And Asthma sucks.

Last night Olivia fell asleep nursing (yes, I am still nursing. yes, I know she is over one, and yes, I am fine with that) and while she was asleep she BIT me!!!! She was so asleep that when I yanked my poor bitten self away from her she didn't even flinch. But wow did I ever flinch. Ouch. That really hurt. And yes, I am still planning on nursing for awhile longer. She never bites me when she is awake!

Can you tell my brain is scattered today? I'm a little on the exhausted side. Hopefully I won't get sick like the rest of my family.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

7 Weird things about me

Pin It I was tagged by Queen to My Three Boys to tell you all 7 Seven Weird Things About Me.

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

As many of you already know there are FAR more than 7 weird things about me but I shall try to narrow it down for you...

1. I have three dads, none of which keep in touch with me. The first is my birth dad whom I haven't seen since I was 7. The second is my first step-father, Tom, who only stuck around briefly and is now an artist in California who refuses to answer my emails. The third is my step-dad Ije. He is a really great guy who believes in Jesus but who also struggles with a drug addiction. He left one day and we haven't seen him since. He is a musician and ballroom dance instructor. He is also very tall and very black. My mom is very small and white. They made a fascinating couple. I wish he would get in touch with us.

2. The house I am living in now is the longest I have EVER lived in one home. We have lived in this house for almost 3 years. When I was growing up we moved at LEAST once per year. I never went to the same school for longer than 2 years. Why? My mom just liked to move.

3. I have trouble fitting in... to anywhere. I don't fit in at church. I don't fit in the community. I just don't fit in. And I am ok with that... most of the time.

4. I have vivid recurring unpleasant dreams... not quite nightmares but not enjoyable either. I don't know why. One such dream is where I am going somewhere and have to pack up a LOT of stuff and can't get it packed on time. It is very frustrating. Another one is where I am going to some sort of school-type place and I am supposed to be in a certain class and I can't find the classroom, can't find my locker, can't remember my schedule etc. etc. I hate that one.

5. I don't mind when my kids draw on the walls or the furniture or the floor. I also don't care if they jump on the beds or the couch. My husband REALLY cares. But I only make them stop because it means so much to him. He says that if we let them do it here they will think it is ok to do it everywhere. That may be. He is far more sensible than I am.

6. I don't like to drink milk. I think it tastes icky. Chocolate milk is good. Creamier beverages such as milk shakes are yummy. Plain milk... nope.

7. I have taken one year each of jazz dance, gymnastics, figure skating, piano, accordion, sewing, horseback riding, volleyball, basketball, track and field, ballroom dancing, drama, and art. Apparently I have a commitment issue when it comes to extra-curricular activities.

Like I said, I have far more than 7 weird things about me but that is enough for now!

I will tag Amanda, Jinny, Kelle, Young Mom In the Big World, In the Gutter, and Robyn.

observing life

Pin It Have you ever noticed that a sick husband is just as bad... if not worse... than a sick kid?

Just an observation.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Are we done yet?

Pin It The sick...The recovering...
The healthy...
The frazzled...

Monday, January 14, 2008

Ordination

Pin It Yesterday my husband got ordained... which basically means he is officially finished all his requirements to be a Reverend. It is a big deal and I am very proud of him.

Here is a picture of the elder's board of our church, our district superintendent- Doug Gerrard- and my father-in-law praying for us. Olivia wouldn't let me pass her off to Grandma before we went up so she came too.Miss. Olivia looked adorable in the new dress she got on Christmas Eve from our Christmas Angels.
This is my brother-in-law Phil with my husband. I love this picture of them. My husband is the shorter one on the right of the picture.
And here is our attempt at a family picture after church...
Uncle Phil hurt is knee so he is the one with the brace holding Aiden, Aunt Erica is lying on the back of the couch, my husband Doug is holding Olivia, I am holding a very grumpy Owen sitting in between my parent-in-laws....

Everyone is gone home now. The house is a mess. Aiden has a fever. But it was a really good weekend.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

photo booth

Pin It The kids wanted to see their pictures on the computer so here are a few that we took with photo-booth... gotta love a Mac.


And this is the"tatoo" that my husband drew on my arm... why? Who knows.
It says "Doug"... pretty nice eh?

Emotions are ok

Pin It

Those of you who know me well know that I have struggled with post-partum depression. This causes some people great concern. There seems to be the belief that if you have enough faith then you should not struggle with depression. I disagree.


So does the Bible.

Here is a Psalm that proves that at LEAST one biblical writer struggled...

Psalm 88

1-9 God, you're my last chance of the day. I spend the night on my knees before you.
Put me on your salvation agenda;
take notes on the trouble I'm in.
I've had my fill of trouble;
I'm camped on the edge of hell.
I'm written off as a lost cause,
one more statistic, a hopeless case.
Abandoned as already dead,
one more body in a stack of corpses,
And not so much as a gravestone—
I'm a black hole in oblivion.
You've dropped me into a bottomless pit,
sunk me in a pitch-black abyss.
I'm battered senseless by your rage,
relentlessly pounded by your waves of anger.
You turned my friends against me,
made me horrible to them.
I'm caught in a maze and can't find my way out,
blinded by tears of pain and frustration.

9-12 I call to you, God; all day I call.
I wring my hands, I plead for help.
Are the dead a live audience for your miracles?
Do ghosts ever join the choirs that praise you?
Does your love make any difference in a graveyard?
Is your faithful presence noticed in the corridors of hell?
Are your marvelous wonders ever seen in the dark,
your righteous ways noticed in the Land of No Memory?

13-18 I'm standing my ground, God, shouting for help,
at my prayers every morning, on my knees each daybreak.
Why, God, do you turn a deaf ear?
Why do you make yourself scarce?
For as long as I remember I've been hurting;
I've taken the worst you can hand out, and I've had it.
Your wildfire anger has blazed through my life;
I'm bleeding, black-and-blue.
You've attacked me fiercely from every side,
raining down blows till I'm nearly dead.
You made lover and neighbor alike dump me;
the only friend I have left is Darkness.

I think it is a beautiful Psalm because it proves that our prayers can be truthful! We can tell God how we REALLY feel and it is ok to question and to wonder and to FEEL! And not only was this psalmist allowed to WRITE DOWN his feelings for the whole world to read and sing but God allowed it to be a part of the Bible to be read for generations to come.

I guess that means that God is ok with me processing my emotions on my blog. God is ok with truth and therefore so am I.

This psalmist certainly wasn't feeling very "sunny" when he/she wrote this song.

And hey, I feel a whole lot better than they did!

6 am is wrong

Pin It These really aren't the best pictures but I wanted to show everyone this cute outfit on Olivia... and it is getting harder and harder to take pictures of her now that she won't stop moving! Especially on my digital point-and-shoot camera... you press the button and it takes the picture like 5 seconds later. Such a pain. My husband has a fabulous camera but since it IS his it often is not with me. Surprising but true.

Anyway, here is my sweet girl .
Like I said... terrible pictures. But hopefully you trust me when I say she looked very cute.

I am incredibly tired this morning. I really dislike 6 am. Especially in the winter when it is still so dark out! Its like we are getting up in the middle of the night! And I am feeling a little sorry for myself since I am up with the three kids and all the other grown-ups are still asleep. Granted they all stayed up late and I went to bed relatively early... but I still had to get up 4 times in the night while they all got to stay asleep. Surely that has to count for something!

I guess it would be cruel to tell my sons to go wake up grandma and grandad...

My brother-in-law and his wife are coming to our house today for some family festivities. And tomorrow my husband gets ordained. Pretty exciting. I'm very proud of him.

Friday, January 11, 2008

And we waited

Pin It So yesterday I had to go to the city for a doctor's appointment and we went to the airport to pick up my parent-in-laws. They are visiting from Ottawa to attend Doug's ordination service on Sunday.

Basically here was my day....

1. Get everyone up and ready for the day.
2. Drive. For a really long time.
3. Register at the hospital.
4. Wait.
5. Wait some more.
6. Have an ultrasound done on my thyroid that took about 5 minutes.
7. Wait again.
8. Wait in a different place.
9. Eat a rather unsatisfactory and expensive lunch in the hospital cafeteria.
10. Wait some more.
11. Still waiting while trying to entertain Olivia in a room full of sick people.
12. See the specialist for my 3 minute appointment. The good news is that I don't have cancer in my thyroid. Bad news is that my body is still attacking my thyroid and it will just shut down eventually.
13. Wait some more.
14. Wait in a different place.
15. Have a 2 minute blood test done.
16. Bleed all over my shirt and jacket from the poke in my arm.
17. Drive to the airport to pick up inlaws.
18. Have a short visit with my brother-in-law who has a knee injury... poor guy.
19. Drive for a long time home.
20. Arrive home and get everyone settled.

Ya. So basically we spent an inordinate amount of time waiting for no new information. Love it.

Olivia was a super good girl and entertained many people in several different waiting rooms.

We are enjoying our visit with the in-laws. Olivia isn't playing strange at all which is nice.

And while I was gone all day my sweet mother cleaned and did some laundry for me while looking after my sons... she rocks.

AND Owen went ice skating for the first time ever (with his class) and he loved it and did great! Yahoo!

AND Aiden did so well in school today that he got a sticker! And no one got hit, or stuff thrown at them! I am so proud.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Olivia and Mommy

Pin It I admit that I am still feeling rather overwhelmed today but I am choosing to be thankful for the good things. For some of you I am sure that this comes naturally but for me, a natural pessimist, this is harder to do that your average optimist might guess.

Anyway, this morning I spent some time "blog surfing" and I really enjoyed it. Reading other mom-blogs reminds me of a few key points.
1. I am not alone.
2. This too shall pass.
3. Other moms struggle too.
4. Nobody is perfect.
5. God still loves me even when I suck.

So here are a few pictures of my sweet Olivia and I blog surfing. I am really thankful for ALL my kids... but this morning Olivia's smiles were especially encouraging to me.
This is a picture of Olivia enjoying pictures of herself on the screen... don't you wish you smiled that big when you looked at yourself?
This is me trying to show of my daughters AWESOME bed head... it really looks like someone back combed the tiny bit of hair she actually has! It's hard to see but gosh, it really does look funny.
Hugs from my kids always make me feel better. Because really... they are the most important thing I have "to do" in my life right now anyway.
As long as my kids are well cared for, as long as they know they are loved and precious is our sight and God's eyes then my day will be successful.

And I forgot one major point... my parent and sibling in-laws love us and are coming to see US not our house. My mother-in-law has seen me at my absolute lowest point and loves me anyway.

Actually... I have a pretty awesome (and hilarious) story about my sweet mother-in-law. Right after Owen was born my MIL came down to watch Aiden (who was 17 months at the time) and help my hubby out while I was still in the hospital. I was in the hospital for 7 days because I had experienced post-partum depression with Aiden and they were making sure I didn't go completely nuts.

Anyway, the day I brought Owen home from the hospital my husband had to go back to work. So I had been home for a couple hours. I was holding my newborn and my son Aiden came running through the house and slipped and hit his head HARD on our concrete-linoleum covered floor. He split his forehead open and was bleeding like crazy (as head wounds often do). I FREAKED!!! I handed my newborn to my MIL and picked up my sobbing bleeding son and then I started sobbing and then I PEED MY PANTS!!!! (this is a 100% true story).

For a minute I thought I had started hemorrhaging or something but upon further inspection I realized I really had just peed my pants.

My sweet mother-in-law was trying to calm me down, soothe my crying newborn and check my bleeding toddler's head to make sure he really was ok... all the while trying not to burst out laughing at the sight of me sobbing like a lunatic and peeing my pants.

Honestly, my mother-in-law is a saint. I would have howled with laughter if I was her.

Anyway, she manages to get us all somewhat calmed down and into the car to take us to the hospital for some stitches.

I'm still crying.

Aiden is still crying.

Owen is asleep in his car seat.

We get to the emergency room and I go in with Aiden while my MIL watches Owen. They put stitches in Aiden's head and make me hold him down while they do this. I seriously almost passed out but at least I didn't pee my pants in the hospital!

We get home and I put Aiden down and PEE MY PANTS AGAIN! No, I am NOT kidding.

By now I am starting to become less concerned about my child and more concerned about this bladder issue I have developed. Still, my mother-in-law doesn't laugh at me! She just carries on watching my kids while I clean myself up and call my ob/gyn.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Um... hi... so... I keep peeing my pants and I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!

Doctor: Oh, ya, that happens sometimes with larger babies and fast deliveries. You have a "stunned bladder".

Me: WHAT??

Doctor: It should get better eventually. Come see us in a few weeks if it doesn't.

Me: Are you kidding?

Doctor: Just go to the bathroom every two hours whether you feel like it or not. That should keep you from any more embarrassing accidents.

Me: Um...ok...by then.

It did get better after a couple weeks. But I will never forget my MIL's heroic actions that day in keeping us all sane... especially me. And not laughing at me. She's a gem I tell you.

Anyway, my point is that there is no reason to get all in a tizzy over the state of my house. I'll just chalk it up to something we can all laugh about later. I hope.

And in the grand scheme of things there are a lot worse things in life than a really busy week with a lot of unexpected interruptions.

I'll just suck it up now.

And thanks to all you who very graciously refrained from giving me advice and telling me to stop being such a baby. I do appreciate it!

Monday, January 07, 2008

I want to skip this month

Pin It I am totally emotionally overwhelmed.

I think I would like to skip a few months. Or sleep until May-ish.

Today my son did NOT have a good day at school. At one point he was upset about something or another and so he took off his boot and threw it. He says it was an accident but he managed to hit another kid in the face with his boot and give him a bloody nose. He also threw his lunch kit at his teacher's head to get her attention. Luckily it is a cloth lunch kit.

Sigh.

Plus an elderly lady from our church passed away last night which means my husband will be performing a funeral on Friday. Of course we go to Saskatoon for my thyroid specialist appointment on Thursday and to pick up his parents who will be visiting us from Ottawa. Doug's ordination service is on Sunday. We are having a family get together with my parent-in-laws and my brother-in-law and his wife on Saturday. Owen is still sick. Olivia is teething again. I have a never-ending headache.

And yes, as a matter of a fact I AM a little ticked at God right now. And feeling rather sorry for myself thank-you very much. And NO I do NOT need any advice. Trust me. I went to 6 years of bible college and I have a degree in Religious Education... I KNOW what I am SUPPOSED to be thinking and feeling and doing but that does not change my personal present reality.

Perhaps I am just over-tired.

I need a nap.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Delusional Tea Drinker

Pin It
Every once in awhile I think to myself "one cup of tea couldn't possibly have enough caffeine in it to keep me awake" ...

and I am wrong.

ONE cup of tea CAN and WILL keep me awake.

It is almost midnight on a Sunday night. I have been up since 6 am. I have not had a rest all day. I know that I will be up early again tomorrow morning. I have been tired for the past 5 or so years and I can usually fall asleep pretty much anytime.

But no.

I am awake.

For absolutely no good reason.

Sigh.
 
Design by Deluxe Designs
all rights reserved. 2011