Thursday, August 14, 2008

no pressure or anything

Pin It So I have these assessment forms to fill out for my son. There are 15 pages of questions for me to answer. Questions like "Does your child have any unusual reactions to sounds, touch, movement, activities, smell, taste, vision, other?" and "Please describe any of the child's behaviours that concern you (such as anything to do with sleeping, eating, dressing, toileting, discipline, playing, and relationships to adults and to other children)". Then they give you an itty bitty little space to write your answer.

The thing is I almost feel guilty for writing these things about my kid. I know I am only writing true stuff... but it feels like I am dooming him to a lifetime of being labelled "special". And sometimes he is so lovely and you would never know there is anything different about him.

I don't know. It frightens me that so much is riding on my words.

14 comments:

mommyknows.com said...

This sounds tough! We had a one-two page form that sounds similar for kindergarten, and even that was let me stumped ... I can't image a form that length.

Amanda Daybyday said...

Hugs. Thinking of you and praying for you.
I hope things get better soon.

kailani said...

I know what you mean. I had to do something similar but it wasn't anything too serious. But the questions they asked made me feel like I was betraying my daughter.

Alicia said...

You are doing the right thing! I'm sure its got to be one of the most difficult, but hang in there. Its going to be the best thing for him in the long run.

Anonymous said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I remember having to fill that long form out last year for Brianna. It broke my heart to do it. I know EXACTLY how u are feeling. It is a tough thing to do... but I don't regret doing it. She is now getting the help she needs to be a "NORMAL" kid and she is doing great. It does take time... but the girl I have now... the whole trial was worth it. IF u need to talk, call me!!
Your Friend,
Christine

Anonymous said...

Kids are not all the same - so if each one gets special attention for what they need, OK.

I think it is always good to watch out for labeling a child based on a beginner's unwise choices.

A child's impulses and unwise choices are not the whole person.

Some peer counseling that I have done for years suggested to us to respect the confidentiality of children, as we would each other when dealing with sensitive material. So what a child discloses to you, is for you, or you may have to tell the child that you want to tell someone who can help.

How a child behaves is more public than what a child discloses. The behaviour may be fully resolved in the setting, for all participants, and need not be discussed by onlookers or as gossip.

Early Childhood Educators have been asked to document upsets, looking for "antecedents" - what happened before like poor sleep, a frustrating interaction in the morning, not feeling well. Also the exact behaviour, to see what the patterns are. Also the contexts, where and when the upset happens; it could be bright lights, visual or auditory overload.

It is a puzzle, and there are a lot of people wanting the children to have a better time of it.

As a child gets older, he becomes more likely to be able to describe the feelings and to say when they changed.

You and Doug and Aiden can build the team that will work for you.
Take good care of yourself and maybe also consider regular times to talk morning and evening with your confidants; that keeps me from getting stuck in a place I do not like.

Love, G. on the coast

imbeingheldhostage said...

pretend you're answering a bloggy friend's questions. You're not ratting him out, just letting the friend get closer to your precious son. Hard times, Tara, but it will get better!

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

Oh what a lot of pressure! Good luck and just remember that this will help him to get help that he needs. :)

imsilentnomore said...

Deep breaths and answer them one at a time. You know that you are doing this so that your son can live life to the fullest for him, so don't feel guilty about that!!

Elizabeth Channel said...

Well, if it makes you feel the least bit better, I threw away the form and wrote 33 pages.

Just Me said...

Think of it this way Tara - you are actually making sure he gets the help and attention he needs. If we don't fill out these papers, then 'they' will expect him to have the same responses, or certian responses of the other kids, and they will not make room for his own unique needs. If he had allergies, you'd tell them...or if he was fearful of specific things..of if he was light sensitive you'd tell them to keep away from the windo etc. - so..he has other things they needs to be aware of, so that they can (hopefully) contruct the right learning environment for him to feel secure and safe in, and that enables our kids, any kids to learn more easily in. Just keep checking on them. YOu're wise to not want to label him - labels are limiting - but knowledge can be powerful. Arm yourself and arm them to help him..and....remember you're his mom and his best defense .

Patty O. said...

Wow, I know EXACTLY what you mean. You are the first person who has ever articulated this to me and I can so relate. My son was diagnosed with SPD about 3 years ago and for that diagnosis (and for several other evals since then) I have had to fill in pages and pages and pages about him and his "quirks." And I often felt like I was betraying him, like I wanted to add things is like "Yes, he has these horrendous meltdowns, but you should see him when he is happy; he is so wonderful and smart and funny..."

It is so difficult because I don't want my son to be labeled to the point that others don't take the time to see the amazing qualities he has.

ChristiS said...

I thought I had answered this earlier, but apparently I hadn't! ;) I don't really have anything to add that others haven't, other than to say that I'm praying for you and though it is hard, you are explaining to others what you've questioned yourself. You're trying to spread out the puzzle pieces to see what you have out there, in order to put them back together to make a beautiful, complete picture that God has created in your son. I ache for you, cause I can tell how hard it is on you. Love coming to you from down South!

Anonymous said...

I agree with "Just me"

Hold your nose and do it. MILK IT. Get him all the help you possibly can so he can OUTGROW his label and flourish into the happy boy you see.

I know it's not easy. But at least you're not alone -- we're all here with you!

 
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