Ramblings

This morning Olivia helped Grandma water the plants in the garden. She has an amazing stubborn streak - once she gets something in her head she is not easily dissuaded. She was just determined to water everything by stepping on it first, making sure to break off any new growth, THEN water it. Grandma didn't particularly like that plan so my girl was most annoyed. And she has started the "I can do it myself" stage of toddlerhood. But the thing is, she CAN'T really do it herself. So she gets frustrated. Poor kid. Learning our limitations can really suck sometimes.
In any case she loves playing in water, with water, beside water, if it gets her wet she's happy.
Her swimming lessons went well tonight. I still hate parading around in my bathing suit. I doubt that is going to change anytime soon. Especially since I have been a little on the stressed out side lately and I have a bit of a problem with stress-eating. Like food is going to help me feel better or something. Not.
We are going to our denominations General Assembly the first week of July. It is in our fair country's capital city, Ottawa. Which also happens to be where my husband is from. The plan, for several months now, has been to wean Olivia by the time we go so that she can be easily babysat by my dear mother-in-law and sister-in-law (and their husbands of course).

As I have mentioned before the weaning process has not gone well. Because of me. I am having a dreadful time saying no to her. I am feeling very traumatized about letting go of her babyhood. And I feel mean! Why is that? It's not like I'm starving her or abandoning her. And yet I feel terrible.

I know part of the reason is because I am feeling so stressed out about other areas in my life that I don't feel like messing up an area that is going along so smoothly. But really, it isn't. Instead of being LESS interested in nursing, my sweet little girl is only increasing her interest in it. Really. She wants to nurse A LOT these days. Probably because she is teething horribly but in any case she really is too old to be nursing 8 or more times per day and several times per night if she had her way.

The crazy part about the night is that I don't even remember fully waking up to nurse her anymore. I can be in a whole other room and I will half-dazed sleep walk to her room and nurse her. It is very hard to be firm about putting her to sleep using alternative methods when I don't even remember her waking up. Sleep deprivation is just grand ain't it?

So tonight she is in her crib. With her door closed. And I will be in our room. With the door closed. Wearing my most difficult-to-nurse-in nightgown. That ought to do it.

Now if only I would stop feeling so awful about it.

But honestly she wouldn't enjoy General Assembly. It's all meetings and voting on rather boring stuff and seminars... no toys, no play mates, no fun, no place for a toddler. I KNOW she will have a much better time with my sons and her grandparents and aunt and uncle. Until she wants to go to sleep. Then she will be miserable. And I will feel guilty.

And it's not like I even have to fully wean her. She just has to be able to go for 8 hours without nursing and fall asleep with an alternative method for her nap. This is NOT an unreasonable expectation for a nineteen month old child is it?

Emotions suck.

ANYWAY my boys spent last night sleeping in our tent trailer with daddy. They had SO much fun.
Owen ended up coming in half way through the night but Aiden stayed out the whole night! And now he would like to live in the trailer indefinitely.
He even brought all of his precious lego out and spent a good portion of the day today in their playing with it. He really really loves it. I think it's like his own personal play house to him.
He fully intends on spending the entire summer out there. I told him he can't spend EVERY night out there since he still has school. He very reluctantly agreed to sleep inside tonight as long as I PROMISED to let him sleep outside tomorrow night. I told him he could if he had a good day at school. Lucky daddy!
Speaking of good days at school Aiden did AWESOME on his last day of school - he got 10 out of 10 good behaviour happy faces. I'm so proud of how much he has improved this year. I really hope it doesn't take 8 months to get him adjusted to grade one next year. I have a meeting at the school on Thursday to meet with his next years teacher and teacher's assistant along with his teacher and assistant this year to discuss the transition. I must say our school is being really great about all this now.
And I would like to thank all of you who have told me you are praying for me these days. I really do appreciate it. And obviously I need it so don't stop!