Friday, April 25, 2008

I have a cute daughter

Pin It Olivia absolutely adores this Frog (Tad). It sings and talks and she loves it.
She insists on carrying it around with her all over the house which is so funny because it is almost as big as she is!
She also loves her toes.

Can you imagine sitting at the dinner table like that?

I went to my doctor's appointment this morning. My doctor decided to change my meds. She is going to wean me off the Paxil (anti-depressant) because she thinks it is causing me to have low energy and gain weight. She also gave me a months worth of some other mood stabilizer to help with the transition. We'll see how it goes.

My doctor was awesome today. She totally listened to me and my concerns, she spent time explaining everything to me, she looked me right in the eye when she was talking to me, and she told me that losing weight would not be as hard once I am completely done the paxil.

My weight has been really bothering me. I weigh a full 20 pounds more today than I have ever weighed in my entire life. Ever. Including when I was 9 months pregnant with Olivia.

I have learned that it is exceedingly difficult to live life with this much extra weight on me. Everything is harder. Climbing stairs. Stepping over the baby gate. Dancing with my kids. Playing with my kids. Changing the sheets on the top bunk of the boys bunk beds.

And the stupid thing is that no matter how much I eat I always feel hungry. Apparently this is also a symptom of the paxil but it is not cool. I don't have enough self control to always be hungry and not overeat.

I truly hope and pray that my moods don't do a nosedive though.

She also encouraged me to wean Olivia. She thinks that breastfeeding is sapping my energy as well. Plus my thyroid is still on the wacky side. Basically she said that once I am done breastfeeding my hormones will level out a little more and we can figure out the right doses of meds for my thyroid and depression issues.

She said to wean slowly and she gave me a month's supply of birth control pills to help my milk dry up (I have an abundant supply!).

I'm a little sad to stop nursing. I love nursing. I really do. I love the closeness I have with Olivia because of it. I missed out on that with my boys and I have really cherished this experience.

But I am truly sick of gaining weight every week and being completely exhausted all the time. And of taking medications that make me feel worse. And I am very sick of my headaches. When I am nursing it really restricts what I can and can't take, both for my depression and for my migraines.

I have prayed long and hard that God would help me, AND Olivia, be ready to quit nursing when the time is right and I think I am coming to that.

But it is still hard.

It feels like I will be giving up the closeness with Olivia but I know in my head that doesn't have to be the case.

Anyway, we'll see how it goes!

6 comments:

imbeingheldhostage said...

First, do you have a journal? Write down every reason you are quitting breast feeding in it. That will help you when you get broody a little way down the road (and you will while your hormones even out). I'm glad you have such a great doctor-- it must be exciting to know that in a short time, you may get your old self back! (good thing I spell-checked, I had typed an "s" before exciting...fat fingered freudian slip). Have a great weekend!

Amanda Daybyday said...

You do have a cute daughter!

My thoughts and prayers are with you through this transition.

Laura said...

I'd have to be broken in half to be able to sit at the dinner table (or any table) like that. :)

JoAnn said...

You DO have a cute daughter! Maybe weaning is better than rejection? Both of my sons just decided one day that they were done, both under 1yro.

Amy said...

There are a lot of pro's listed there for weaning but i know they don't outweigh the one big con, of being able to bond still in that way with your baby. i wish you the best!

Katherine, Chris, David & Jaclyn said...

I am praying for you and Olivia during this time of change. I am also praying for you during the changes that your body will be going through with the medication changes. Take Care!

 
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