I have been feeling rather reluctant to post what is going on in my head these days. It seems that every time I post from my heart I get in trouble.
But I decided to do it anyway.
Perhaps if I do it in little snatches between lovely pictures I will get in less trouble.
I am depressed over our financial situation. We had no money to buy milk this week. Or other certain necessities. But my mom stepped in and has bought us milk . We get paid tomorrow. This is a really good thing.
I was feeling rather frustrated about this. At God mostly. We are REALLY trying to be good with our money. And we have been REALLY trying for a REALLY long time now. And it isn't getting any easier. That makes me sad.
But I DO feel somewhat optimistic about it. I think that if we can just keep going it will eventually get better. It will.
My sweet friends Becky and Cecile gave me heck for not asking them for money to buy milk. They were right. I should have just said something. Pride is bad. It just felt so stupid to have to ask for milk money. I mean really. My husband has a good job. We should not have a problem.
But we did. So I'm sorry Becky and Cecile for not just asking. Next time I will. Hopefully there will not be a next time.
I am rather worried about a family member who has been having some health difficulties. I don't think she would like me telling the blog world about it though so I won't tell you all who it is. I am praying for her and I would appreciate anyone else praying for her too. Even though you don't know who I am talking about.
It got pretty warm here a couple days ago and the snow actually started melting! For a brief moment I thought spring had arrived. But no. It is snowing today. Of course. I am feeling rather jealous of all you people out there with blooming flowers and GREEN things.
The melting did manage to make the carpet in our basement wet though. I sometimes wonder if there is mold and other gross stuff under the carpet but I refuse to look. We have no money to fix it so there is no point in knowing for sure.
I have had a pretty brutal headache for the past several days. Likely because of the changes in the weather. I am sick of headaches. I get at LEAST one per week. Usually more. Sometimes they just stay for days on end. Like this one. We are on day 4 now. And I can't do anything about it really until I am done breastfeeding.
And yes, I am still breastfeeding. I want to. For now. Olivia is wonderfully easy. She nurses to sleep and when she is upset about something. My sons both had night time bottles until they were 2 years old so I see no reason to deprive Olivia of that just because she hates bottles. Besides I definitely lean to the attachment parenting side of the spectrum and I should just be proud of that. I am reluctant to admit it sometimes because people have given me a rather hard time about it. But it is what is right for us right now so there. My friend Becky told me that it is ok to be who I am. Thanks Becky. You're right. And it's ok to be who YOU are too!
I am sick of watching what I eat just so I don't GAIN weight. I want to start LOSING weight. I am sick of having a thyroid disorder that just keeps getting worse. I am sick of depression that never seems to go away. I think it is super lame that my antidepressant increases my appetite and my thyroid slows down my metabolism. That is just plain obnoxious.
And have you ever tried to dance your way to a newer slimmer you while you are depressed and have a migraine? It isn't as fun as you might think.
My laundry pile is pretty brutal. We have had a lot of bed wetting from my sons the past couple weeks and so I have about 6 loads of JUST bedding to do. Never mind all the dirty clothes.
On the up side I won the Great Laundry Challenge over at Mommy Knows!
Now for that dear family member who should NOT be stressed out... please don't worry about me or about us. We really are ok. I promise. Just relax. We don't want to lose you!