Here comes trouble

Depression is a real annoyance... you can be going along with your life feeling relatively fine, having a semblance of control over your emotions and then

BANG

depression socks you in the gut and you're down for the count.

For me it can be anything that can set me off... someone says something unkind, the weather is too cold for too long, something stressful happens. It doesn't really matter WHAT happens. The point is that it throws my emotions into some stupid tailspin.

I hate that.

And then I have to claw my way back to the surface of emotional acceptableness.

I do wonder why it is so ... unacceptable to be open about how you are truly feeling. Why is that? Do we think that God doesn't know what we are really thinking and feeling? Do we feel less spiritual if we "give in" to depression? Do we think that by ignoring it we can make it go away?

I find that ignoring it is virtually impossible and also gives me a tummy ache.

Talking about it... or rather blogging about it... helps me immensely. Even if I do get in trouble for it.

Because in the long run isn't it better to be open and start the path to healing than to deny it? And I maintain that since God knows how I am feeling anyway there is no point in trying to hide it from Him. And He really hasn't given me the permission...or the ability... to hide it from anyone else.

I have also noticed that even though a lot of people SAY they want to have more authenticity in their lives they don't really mean it. Because I am pretty darn "authentic" and it basically does nothing but get me in trouble because I am really not all that socially acceptable sometimes.

Ironically I have noticed that people are more willing to open up to me because I am so open with how imperfect I am...

which just tells me that more truth is needed in this world.

And I DO know that being vulnerable opens you up to hurt. I get that. In fact I have experienced that. But no where in the Bible do I read that I have a right to shut myself off from everyone once I've been hurt. I really don't think we can truly love others without allowing them to see who we really are and accepting who THEY really are.

Besides, maybe if more people let people see who they really are I wouldn't get in so much trouble for being me.

Because standing out in the cold of judgementalism hurts but it is a lot easier to handle with a friend or two.

How much ya wanna bet I get in trouble for this post?

Comments

Amanda said…
Hey. Well, you know...you inspire me to be more real. Honest you do, cuz I'm not really good at it. So thanks and I hope you're feeling better soon.
i love your real-ness!
You are about the 10th blog I've read this week (including my own) that has discussed depression in us women. There must be some cosmic alignment out of whack. Thanks for writing this!
dlyn said…
I agree- there is a lot of discussion about depression around the blogsphere this week. I do think that different people handle these emotions in different ways, but I would never fault someone for the way that gets her through them the best. Thanks for a very thoughtful post!
Sher :) said…
Hi Tara,
I also have suffered from depression. And you're right, you can't just ignore it and expect it to go away.

I have found healing through writing about it on my blog, too. I got tired of trying to be someone I'm not. And I'm finding there are many of us suffering.

I thank God that after over 15 years, I'm finally feeling really good. But even if I don't, God is still God and I love Him!

Hoping for lots of wonderful days ahead for you.

Sher :)

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