Sunday, April 29, 2007

My sons

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My oldest son Aiden turns 5 tomorrow.
I can't believe I have a 5 year old.

Owen, my 3.5 year old son asked Jesus to live with him tonight during his prayers. It was so sweet. He then informed me that Jesus is a girl. I think he might think that because Jesus has long hair and wears a "dress" in his picture bible. I'm sure Jesus will understand. Perhaps someday I will explain how people dressed differently when Jesus lived on earth. For now I think we'll just go with it.

Owen also had his very first bites of a homemade hamburger tonight. This may not seem like a big deal to any of you but trust me, it is. He has steadfastly refused to eat hamburgers his entire life. I was very excited. He liked it too. Yay.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Preschool stage fright

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My son Owen, age 3, had his year-end program for his preschool this week. He completely refused to participate. He spent the entire time sitting on either my husband's or my lap with his arms crossed saying "no, I don't want to". The other children did a cute little singing performance and then were given their little graduation hats and certificates. Not Owen. He was NOT interested. His teachers told me that he did participate during the rehearsals so we are assuming this is a case of stage fright. What is interesting about that is that both of my sons had the exact same reactions at their Christmas concerts as well. But put them in our church and they have no problem whatsoever running to the front and standing up on the stage in front of all the people. Apparantly their stage fright is situation specific to school events. Last night was the awards ceremony for the Awana program at church and both my children went up front to get their awards. Owen made me go with him but he still went. He even stood nicely for pictures. Go figure.

In a completely unrelated topic, I have been missing my friends (I told you about them in a previous post, their names are Becky and Cecile). They haven't gone anywhere. I haven't gone anywhere. We are just all crazy busy with everything from sick kids to work to general life nonsense and so we haven't had the chance to spend any quality time with eachother in a while. It sucks. It seems the crazier life gets the more you need time with your friends and the less time you actually have to do so. Sucks to be us.

On the up side my husband sent me for a massage yesterday. My very first professional massage! It was lovely. She (the massage therapist) warned me that I might be sore today and I am. Terribly. But she assured me I should feel better in the end.

Two days until taxes are due and we still haven't done ours. We can't find my husband's T4. Oops. Nothing like the chaos of life to really mess you up. I really should get my life organized someday.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Enjoyable

Pin It Olivia is getting so big I can hardly believe it. I took this picture of her this morning (thanks for the super cute dress Jinny & Colin) and I just think she looked so sweet.



This is Olivia having her first tastes of cereal. Isn't she cute?


Today at suppertime my son Aiden comes walking into the kitchen and points his finger at me and starts laughing hysterically. He laughed and laughed and laughed. Eventually he sputtered out (through fits of hysterics) the reason for his inexplicable joy. He said "Mommy, your hair is on backwards!". I'm not sure what he meant by this statement but I'm glad to give him so much joy. I feel loved.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Grave's Disease

Pin It My thyroid specialist in Saskatoon called me today and moved my appointment up almost a full month. Now it is May 8th. The good part of that is that my appointment is sooner. The bad part of that is it means something is wrong. She thinks I may have Grave's Disease which is an autoimmune disease that causes hyperthyroidism amongst other things. My mom has this disease and it does have a large genetic component. I am not thrilled.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Daddy-Daughter time

Pin It Here are a few cute pictures I just took of my husband and my daughter. Aren't they sweet?


Cute kids

Pin It Olivia has discovered toys. It is very cute to watch.



Olivia also continues to wake up the entire household nightly. And the crazy thing is that she isn't even really that loud. She cries a bit but quiets down almost instantly once I start to feed her. But in that brief time she manages to wake up both my sons and myself. Of course my husband sleeps blissfully on until one, or both, of the boys start garnering for his attention. The end result is that our entire household resembles walking zombies for at least a portion of every day. Fun. I do however maintain that Olivia is a dream to wake up to compared to her brothers at the same age. Aiden's screams could've woken the neighbourhood. We lived in a basement apartment when Aiden was an infant and our upstairs neighbour often said to me "the baby doesn't sleep very well?" or "does the baby have tummy problems?" and various likewise comments. Colic is a nightmare. When Owen was an infant Aiden was only 18 months old and still waking up every night so I was up constantly. Aiden woke up to Owen's cries too. So when Olivia wakes up and cries quietly for 30 seconds and then gives me a big smile when she sees me I have no complaints. Unfortunately my sons still wake up to even the slightest noise. Aiden has been known to remark to his teacher "that baby cries ALL night. She keeps waking me up!" in a very indignant voice. He doesn't know how good we have it!

Here are some fun photos of my boys enjoying bubbles and bathtime.
This is Aiden pretending to be Santa Claus.


Owen said "ho ho ho" just before I took this picture. He also asked if Santa was going to bring him more toys that night. My sons still thank Jesus for "the toys we got from Christmas" every night.


This is Olivia enjoying her bath at the same time as the boys. She just loves to chew (or gum) on stuff right now.


I think she is quickly outgrowing the cute baby tub we got for her. My how time flies. Olivia is 4.5 months old now.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Frustrated Justice

Pin It I feel strongly that God wants us to take up the causes of the downtrodden of our society. I also feel like God wants us to fight for justice for those who can't (or don't know how to) fight for themselves. But I also feel frustrated because sometimes I find it hard to know WHICH cause to take up - since I simply can't take up them all. I also find it frustrating to know exactly what true Godly justice entails. For example, I have a friend who has been accused of something she insists she did not do. It is a mess. She has also been through more trauma in the past year or so than any one person should go through. She is also not a believer yet. I realize there are two sides to every story and the accusers in this case insist they are right and have proof and that my friend is not telling the truth. In all truth and honesty I don't know who's telling the truth. I FEEL like my friend is telling the truth and I FEEL like I should support her. But I don't know how. Other than saying "I believe you" and being her friend. Is there more that I should be doing? I don't know. I just feel frustrated with the complete lack of truth and justice in our fallen world. And what about grace? Even if she is NOT telling the truth the issue is a minor one in my opinion and was handled totally wrong. I feel like the accusers completely overreacted. Doesn't grace have any part of justice in our world? Sigh.

That was a ramble that didn't make much sense, I know. But I needed to vent.

Friday, April 20, 2007

The Great Outdoors

Pin It The weather has been beautiful over the past couple of days (today is raining but it is still nicer than snowing!) and my kids have had several opportunities to play in our yard. I thought I would share some classic poses with you.

Here is my son Aiden sitting in a huge puddle in our yard (on purpose) building a rock castle. One of my favourite things about my son Aiden is how whole-heartedly he gets into things. He doesn't do anything half-way. Now granted, he can also drive me crazy with this personality trait but he honestly teaches me too. He teaches me to be ALL the way in the moment.



Aiden after playing with his dump truck in our garden (which is presently a sea of mud).



Both of my sons have fabulous imaginations. I love the fact that my son Owen knows what he wants. He is NOT whishy-washy. Again, that same stubborness can drive me crazy but I love that he is passionate about what he loves. Like rocks. And water. And his boots. He LOVES his footwear. Passion. Something I lack in my daily life. See how much kids can teach us?

Here is a picture of Owen playing with two of his favourite toys- rocks and water. Perfect together.



Here is my sweet Olivia enjoying the sunshine and watching her brothers play.



This afternoon my sons have been playing with their lizards. This picture shows the fabulous outfit my son Owen chose for himself today. The boy knows what he likes.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Fog

Pin It My thyroid is messed up. My system is wreaking havoc with my mental state and emotions. I have been through this before and I had fervently hoped and prayed to never experience this again. It is very hard to describe to someone who has never been through it but just trust me when I say it sucks.

I will say that this time around is better than last time. After my son Owen was born I very nearly went right off the edge. This time I am just physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually exhausted. Perhaps the anti-depressant the doctor has me on is keeping me from getting as bad this time as last. I am grateful that I have not gone over the edge. I don't hate my kids or my husband. I don't want to pick up and leave. I don't want to kill myself or others. I just want to go to bed and stay there indefinately.

Granted, many mom's feel the same way I am sure. Lack of sleep can do that to a person. I just know that I felt better a couple months ago when I was getting less sleep than I do now. That's not normal.

I find that when I am this tired I run out of things to talk about with my kids. I sort of just shut down. I feel a little like I am watching them through some sort of fog. They continue to run around like crazy people and I continue to care for their needs but I'm not really connecting with them. I am sure that makes no sense but hey, my head is a tad on the foggy side these days.

Yawn.

Good Quote

Pin It "Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed." Farrah Gray

This was one of my favourite quotes from this past weekend. Just thought I would share it with you.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Let's not do that again.

Pin It We made it.
The 24 hours of no breastfeeding is over.
Olivia is happy.
I am happy.

Still tired though.

More Sleep Needed

Pin It I know I have said this before but I am SERIOUSLY tired. Exhausted.

Our day in the city actually went very well. My mom came along to help watch the kids and we spent part of the day playing in a park becuase the weather was so fabulous. My tests went fine ... of course I have no idea what the results are yet. Olivia is taking bottles... but she doesn't like it. Our night was tiring at best. We got home from Saskatoon late and I was in bed at about midnight and Olivia woke up at 2, 4, and 6 am. On the up side she is such a good baby that she has really only freaked out once so far. She just sort of complains a little and is on the fussy side. But hey, I can understand that. I did NOT manage to pump enough milk so I am having to supplement with formula and that seems to be going ok too. I am really looking forward to 4:00 pm today when I can just go back to plain old breastfeeding.

My house is... again... a disaster area.

My sons 5th birthday is coming up and I feel totally unprepared for a party.

I have been thinking some about what I learned at the retreat. Becky (the speaker) talked about how there are essentially 4 types of people when it comes to accepting changes in our lives. 1. the innovators. These are the people who usually come up with the ideas for change and accept change wholeheartedly with excitement. They are the ones who make change happen and they are about 25% of our population. 2. The Embracers. These people accept change enthusiastically and are action orientated so they usually carry out the innovators ideas. They make up about 35% of the population. 3. The Acceptors- they resist change at first and then usually go along with it in the end. They want to see all the facts before proceeding. They make up about 35% of the population. and 4. The Resistors- they fight change. The are stubborn and value routine, tradition, consistency and the tried, tested & true. They make up about 5% of the population.

During the retreat we broke up into groups of the above. I am an Embracer. The interesting thing was that the percentages were about right in our group. My oldest son is a resistor. He hates changes with a passion. My husband is an innovator. My second son is (I think) an acceptor. Who knows what Olivia will be. Makes for some interesting family dynamics.

More on the retreat another time. I'm too tired to think so seriously.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Back from Retreat

Pin It I have returned from the pastor's wives retreat and I had a great weekend. It was so good to meet with other pastor's wives. I found it encouraging. Of course it was tiring too- but I do feel a little refreshed. Olivia was a very good traveler. The ladies enjoyed her smiles and I had plenty of help looking after her!

Our speaker for the weekend was Becky Matchullis who does personal life coaching. She was an excellent speaker. She talked about transitions and how we deal with change. Very interesting. Check out her website- she helps pastor's wives and their families a lot.

I also got to connect with a few people I knew from my days at Canadian Bible College (which is now Alliance University College). It is always enjoyable to see old friends.

I'm sure I'll talk more about the retreat once I have had some more time to process it.

And just as a point of interest... the day before I left I actually managed to finish ALL of my laundry. I could see our laundry room floor for the first time in months! Of course now I have loads to do again but I bask in the knowledge that I was caught up for a brief time.

Tomorrow is the big day for all of my thyroid tests and the 24 hours of no breast-feeding. Pray for Olivia and I if you think of us. The test is at 3pm and the 24 hours will end at 4pm on Wednesday. Then I have to wait a full month for the test results. The tests are all done at the University hospital in Saskatoon so we are in for a day of driving as well (5 hour round-trip). I'll keep you posted.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The never-ending winter

Pin It It is snowing. Again. Have I mentioned lately how DONE I am with winter? I am beginning to think that perhaps Saskatchewan is skipping summer this year and just going directly into next winter. At least that would be a way of avoiding the mosquitos that grace our fair province in droves.

I am feeling more relaxed about going away now. I have managed to do several loads of laundry and the fact that at the very least Olivia and I will have clean clothes to wear makes me feel a little more prepared.

I am also hoping that I will actually KNOW some of the ladies who attend this retreat. Not that meeting new people is a bad thing... I just know that I am not really at my best these days and who knows what kind of a first impression I am going to make. "Oh look, that poor girl looks exhausted. I'm sure she doesn't mean to be babbling gibberish and singing the theme songs of the disney movies." I really did used to be smart. Honest.

I have recently joined this thing called "Facebook" and it is pretty cool. It is a way of catching up with people you haven't seen in years. Kind of fun to see where they are at now. It is at www.facebook.com if you are interested. Apparantly blogger doesn't want to let me insert a link here today so you'll have to do the work yourself.

I really do hate that it is snowing again. Blah.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Paranoia

Pin It I leave on Friday for the Pastor's Wives retreat. I am now at the point where I am less excited and more stressed with all I have to accomplish in the next couple days in order to be ready to leave. Really I am excited to go.... it just sort of gets swallowed up in my paranoia that I won't actually be ready to go in time and everything will go wrong. Good ol' paranoia.

Things on the homefront should be fine without me. My husband will be working most of the weekend so I recruited my mom to be on-call for the weekend to look after my sons. I will be taking Olivia with me. I have never travelled overnight with her before so that should be interesting. I think she will be a good traveller though.

I have to get some (more) laundry done so that I will have some clothes to wear and so my husband and children will look semi-presentable in my absence. My husband does almost all of the cooking in our house (seriously- he is a fabulous chef) so I don't have to worry about them eating while I am away. Of course the house will be a complete disaster by the time I return but that can't be helped.

I may even get more sleep away than I am getting right now. For some reason my boys have been waking up an awful lot the past few nights. It took several days for the easter chocolate to get out of their systems. Man. Candy and my kids just don't mix. I almost went insane.



Sunday, April 08, 2007

Easter Finery

Pin It Happy Easter from the most beautiful girl in the world :)


Sweet Olivia with her Uncle Phil and Aunt Erica at church this morning:


Olivia has a special friend- Luke Cresswell- and they enjoyed watching eachother all spiffed up in their easter finery:


I love, love, love, LOVE the fancy dress I had my daughter in today. She drooled profusely all over it and spent a good portion of the morning with parts of it in her mouth but Oh, how sweet she looked. My little princess.

Fun with Uncle Phil and Aunt Erica

Pin It My husband's brother Phil and his wife Erica came to see us this weekend for easter. The boys were absolutely thrilled to see them. Here are a few photos we took on Saturday.

This is my son Owen easter egg hunting in the snow.



Here is Aunt Erica holding a very bundled up Olivia during the easter egg hunt.



Aiden has some serious hero-worship going on with Uncle Phil.



Uncle Phil getting to know Olivia.



Olivia smiling... what can be better?



Happy Easter all.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Sleep Conspiracy

Pin It All right folks. My sleep deprivation has now crossed the threshold into what little sleep I do get. Last night I had the strangest nightmare. I dreamt that I was in some massive house with everyone I know (and other strangers too) and no one would let me sleep. Everyone was noisy and following me around bothering me about useless things and I could never find my bed. And then I would find my bed and it had no sheets on it so I had to go get sheets and by the time I got back the bed was gone. Then I started getting really angry and cursing at people (I don't normally swear to people) and saying things like "How the *#@$* would you like it if everytime you tried to go to sleep someone moved your *^@#&* bed and you couldn't find it?". Then I would stomp all around the huge house looking for my bed and telling people to be quiet (using not nice words). This went on for quite awhile. When I woke up my jaw and fists were both clenched and I felt angry. Lovely way to wake up. It took me several minutes to realize none of it was true and that I don't really hate everyone and the whole world isn't really in on some giant conspiracy to keep me from sleeping.

Sigh.
I really need a nap.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Springtime in Saskatchewan

Pin It These are a few photos of my sons playing in our yard a few days ago when the snow had started to melt a bit. They were completely soaked from head to foot from jumping in the puddle at the end of our driveway.







The melting has stopped now... but I trust that spring really and truly will arrive eventually, even here in northeast Saskatchewan.

Daddy time

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I just love it when my husband and my daughter have bonding time. Actually my husband is fabulous with all 3 of my kids and it makes me love him even more. But I am especially enjoying watching the father-daughter relationship bloom. As some of you know I did not grow up with my dad around (I have only met him a couple of times, we have no relationship whatsoever) and so I find the father-daughter thing fascinating to watch. It is beautiful when it is done right. I am proud of my husband and I am so glad Olivia will have him around.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Yummy dress

Pin It I just wanted to share some super-cute pictures of my sweet Olivia in her froofy pink dress (yes, I made that word up).



I think she liked the dress too... well, she liked to chew and drool on it anyway.

Nightmares

Pin It Over the past few years I have noticed that anytime I am especially sleep deprived or stressed out I have nightmares. The nightmares all tend to have a recurring theme of me being completely out of control. Usually they have something to do with me being in some sort of school situation and not knowing when or where my classes are and never getting anywhere on time etc, or me needing to pack up all of my belongings quickly and not being able to do it on time, or the worst ones involve me somehow losing our kids (by force or mishap) and never getting to see them again. The point is that the nightmares are always very stressful and definately do NOT help me sleep better. I find this a little ironic. The less sleep I get the worse sleep I get when I actually do manage to catch a couple hours. Perfect. (feel the sarcasm there).

Perhaps I can chat with our counsellor about them when he comes over to our house again tonight for our session. I'm sure he'd love to know how truly crazy I am :)

 
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