Yesterday afternoon and this afternoon I had so much fun playing in the leaves with my son Owen. He just loves the leaves and he is so incredibly sweet. Even Shadow the cat joined in our fun. I have scattered some pictures of our fun throughout this post.
I will admit this has been a tough few days.
As most of you know there has been a bit of controversy over my blog... I won't go into details but basically- as far as I can tell- it is too much ME. And for those of you who know me I am not exactly the TYPICAL pastor's wife. Sadly, many people WANT the typical pastor's wife. Anyway, to make a long story short... not everyone likes me.
I haven't ever really FIT in church culture. Most of the time that is ok with me. But hey, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it sometimes hurts.
The other difficulty with me is that I am a natural homebody. Its not that I don't like people, I do. And I used to be significantly more social than I am now... before I had kids. But kids changed me. Now... to be fair it isn't my kids fault that my thyroid went all whacky and now my energy levels just simply aren't what they used to be. Thyroid dysfunction is a lifelong issue but my specialist told me that I can expect to start feeling better 2-3 years after my last child is born. Pregnancy really screws with my body. And my thyroid screws with my sanity.
So basically I feel tired and a little frazzled all the time. But hey, what mom of 3 kids DOESN'T feel tired and frazzled all the time?
Like I have told you all before I get easily overwhelmed trying to take my 3 kids anywhere. What can I say? I find it stressful. And when I am stressed, they get stressed. And that just makes it worse. For everyone.
And my son Aiden is extremely sensitive to change ... actually he is extremely sensitive to everything. But change is especially hard for him. What can be a simple outing for my son Owen can be completely traumatizing for Aiden. And I just can't deal with that all the time.
So I stay home. And everything goes a lot smoother for all of us. Being allowed my space makes me a better person. And allowing Aiden to have structures, surroundings, and routines that he is familiar with help make his days happier... and in turn help make our family run smoother.
I realize that many people would like me to go out more, to be more social, to do visitation with my husband, to participate in all sorts of activities... but I honestly just can't at this point in my life. Please don't take it personally. It's not that I don't like you. I just really like my sanity.
All that to say I have been feeling a little... um... judged for my lack of "pastor's wife" abilities.
I guess God isn't through teaching me yet.
A girl in Aiden's class made him a "love" card today. Here he is holding his very first love card from a girl...
Today Aiden ran away from school again. I have to tell you all that the sight of my firstborn baby running in my door with tears streaming down his face, shaking and sobbing about how much he doesn't want to go to school... it just tore me apart.
This time he took off right from his classroom. His teacher ran after him but couldn't leave her whole class alone so she sent a helper after him. The helper followed him home and then offered to take him back to school. In the two minutes between Aiden's arrival home and the helpers arrival at my door his teacher had already called and explained the situation. So I walked my sweet boy back to school. By the time we got there (about 2 blocks away) he was skipping and happy to be there. We got to his classroom and he apologized to his teacher, sat down at his table and ate his snack. No problem. I left. Still no problem. Go figure.
That is the crazy thing about this situation. Aiden actually DOES like school. Its just when he gets frustrated over something that he can't handle it all of a sudden and feels he NEEDS to be home. (Like mother like son I guess)
But oh how it hurts my heart to see him struggling.
His wonderful teacher and I decided that it is time to call in some extra help from the resource people that work with his school. I'm glad. I want this to be a good experience for him AND for his poor teacher.
I really must tell you all what a blessing it is to have Corrie as my son's teacher. I have prayed for a long time that Aiden would have good teachers who love him and try to understand him and work with him. And God totally answered my prayers with Corrie. She really is wonderful.
Tonight we are supposed to go to the Awana kids club at church. Owen had a nap this afternoon after he got home from pre-kindergarten so he should be good to go. I have told Aiden he doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to. But he says he does want to go. I think I will end up going as well to make sure he doesn't run away from there too. It is a little hard because the clubs happen later at night than what my kids are used to... they go to bed pretty early usually because they are both extremely early risers. And yes, they get up early no matter how late they go to bed.
I must say though that we may end up having to quit clubs if it makes school unbearable the next day. We'll see.
So that is my life right now.
Here are some more cute pictures for your enjoyment...
That is my mom in the tree with Owen... gotta love a grandma who is willing to climb trees with you!