Crazy Pastor's wife ranting

WARNING.... if you are easily offended by the truth you should not read this post.

I have some pastor's wife venting I have to do. SO if you happen to be reading this and you happen to attend our present church... relax. This is just something I go through every now and then and I will likely be over it by tomorrow. Try not to get offended.

I am just a tad bit frustrated by the fact that so much of my life's stability rests on how much other people LIKE my husband. I think the job of pastor is one of the few where you can be axed (or forced to resign) just because people don't FEEL you are doing your job to their satisfaction. Whether or not you actually ARE doing your job is not the point. It is far too FEELINGS based in my opinion. I mean, if Doug were a postal worker, or an engineer or something his job performance would be evaluated on the basis of his JOB not on whether he wears a baseball cap or can't understand everyone he comes across. I just really don't think people should expect their pastor to be perfect (or nearly perfect). I also don't think they should expect their pastor to be further along in his or her own spiritual life than he or she is. They are just people and they are learning too. I think it is ridiculous for people to be annoyed at my husband because he acts his age.

If you happen to be one of those people who find yourself uneasy or annoyed when your pastor doesn't appear perfect then GET OVER IT. NOW. It is unbiblical and hypocritical for pastor's to pretend they are perfect so stop making them feel guilty for being human. A pastor should not have to feel nervous about showing his imperfection. Churches are spouting a whole lot of rhetoric about wanting to be authentic and real but I have noticed that they only want that in some cases. If their pastor is too real then that is proof that he is not suitable for his post. If he admits he hasn't got it all figured out (from the pulpit no less) people assume he just hasn't prepared enough. Well let me tell you this people, no matter how much you prepare for a sermon you will NOT have everything figured out. And if you think you do you are wrong. It really is the height of arrogance to believe that we have the corner on truth here people. Only God can say He knows everything and Jesus was the only perfect human on earth. That's it.

And on an even more personal note I, as a pastor's wife, should not have to be continually tempted to worry about how people perceive my husband. I should not have to analyze what he says based on how I think other people will take it. My husband should have the right to be himself. Obviously he should be seeking God...but that is not because he is a pastor, that is because he is a Christian. Obviously he should be spending a significant amount of time in sermon preparation and other church related tasks because he is being paid to and because that is his calling. I'm not saying he doesn't have a responsibility to his congregation but I AM saying that his first responsibility is to GOD. Then to ME. Then to my KIDS. THEN and ONLY THEN to the congregation. And God, me, and our kids ALL want him to be comfortable being himself and to feel confident in his calling. So STOP putting him down.

Again, if you happen to be from our church and you are not someone who expects Doug to be perfect then great, just ignore this. And if you do happen to not like Doug right now DON'T tell me about it. I don't want to hear it. I don't tell you if I don't like your husband or if I don't think your husband is perfect.

And by the way, my husband is GREAT. He is a wonderful husband, a great dad and he loves God and he loves the church. He even loves the people who are mean to him. He treats our church with respect. He strives daily to listen to God and to do what God wants him to do. And honestly he is just a really nice guy.

So if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.


Linda van der Does said…
WOW! I totally agree. I can almost hear you shouting. Let me recommend a book to read: Jesus has left the building by Paul Vieira. I think this is a real modern church problem in the (wild) West. Here in Holland loads of people leave the church in order to keep their faith. I hope and pray that the attitude of these people will change and that they will see you and your husband and every other christian through the eyes of Jesus who loves everybody equally but cared mostly for the lost and the poor and the people who didn't have it all together. So please stay imperfect. That's the way God uses us and loves us. And the church says: AMEN!
Amanda Franks said…
When you write posts like this it makes me so glad that I started lurking here just to see what your family looked like cuz I kinda sorta knew who you were at CBC. You are an amazing woman of honesty, and not just 'this is how I feel' honesty but honesty that comes from being with God. I so appreciate hearing that struggles like this happen to other people, cuz sometimes I listen to what people think about us a bit too much. I think you guys are awesome and I'm sure that for everyone who wants to pick a beef with ya there are five other people who love you just the way you are!
Just Me said…
Hello!! Good post - you should go into my archives and read the similar posts I've written. I think the key to longvity in the ministry, is to remember that God is our provision - not the church...and ultimately we had to remind ourselves that we are here to do His Will..and make Him happy - not people. Anyways....good post! AND ....I noticed the other comment saidyou were at CBC - that doesn't mean the one in British Columbia, does it??
Anonymous said…
I think its all ridiculous and Christians should be abolished.
Anonymous said…
My husband is also a pastor and tonight he came home from a meeting with a parishoner wondering if he should still be a pastor. After holding hands all weekend at the tragic passing of a member, tonight he is told that people are leaving the church, and have been since we arrived because of his "dictatorial" behavior. That made us both wonder what the....,cuz he's one of the most laid back, pc, people you will ever meet. 4 years and no one has ever said they had a problem, just had a personnel review and he got no such comments in that...but apparently my autistic 9 yr old, his 6 year old brother and 1 yr old sister are too ill behaved in church - so people are leaving...and 3 yrs ago he put someone on a second committee that they signed up for, keeping her on the 1st, but she left the church because of that...He recommended the session members take a buddy for one meeting with the youth joining the church, and when no one volunteered, a 2 joining the church left at the embarrassement of no one wanting them, and apparently, the session was mad that he "dictated" that they were to get buddied up for one meeting. This information was shared with him tonight by a woman who's own child didn't show up for an activity at her house that was her husband's idea...I get sooooooo frustrated with people!!!! If they have a problem, we can't work on it if we don't know. And people, please!!!! My husband is so dedicated he often works til 4 am. He has been hurt before when congregations didn't let him be human...and didn't tell him there was a problem - it's so much like HS I get P.O.'ed He is there for them anytime and they are rarely there for him. It gets so frustrating, mainly because he takes it as a failure. I want friends and a church family and job stability...does anyone ever really get that???
Tara said…
On the off chance that the above annonymous commenter checks back here I just wanted to say I get it. And if you ever need a safe place to vent or a chat feel free to email me at

I'm with you sister.

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