My thyroid is messed up. My system is wreaking havoc with my mental state and emotions. I have been through this before and I had fervently hoped and prayed to never experience this again. It is very hard to describe to someone who has never been through it but just trust me when I say it sucks.
I will say that this time around is better than last time. After my son Owen was born I very nearly went right off the edge. This time I am just physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually exhausted. Perhaps the anti-depressant the doctor has me on is keeping me from getting as bad this time as last. I am grateful that I have not gone over the edge. I don't hate my kids or my husband. I don't want to pick up and leave. I don't want to kill myself or others. I just want to go to bed and stay there indefinately.
Granted, many mom's feel the same way I am sure. Lack of sleep can do that to a person. I just know that I felt better a couple months ago when I was getting less sleep than I do now. That's not normal.
I find that when I am this tired I run out of things to talk about with my kids. I sort of just shut down. I feel a little like I am watching them through some sort of fog. They continue to run around like crazy people and I continue to care for their needs but I'm not really connecting with them. I am sure that makes no sense but hey, my head is a tad on the foggy side these days.