Yesterday I went to a specialist appointment in Saskatoon (2.5 hour drive each way from our house, half of which was in a raging blizzard on this particular trip). I have thyroid issues. I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem a few years ago and now I have to re-do a whole bunch of tests to see what is going on now. Having kids can screw things up more. One of the tests my specialist wants to send me for is called a thyroid uptake scan and it requires me to stop breastfeeding for 48 hours. This is giving me anxiety. I understand that it is necessary because if my thyroid is screwed up my milk will dry up anyway and this is the way to fix it. Unfortunately the last time I did this test was when my son Owen (now 3) was 6 weeks old and he refused to go back to breastfeeding after discovering the ease of bottle feeding. So I am afraid the same thing will happen with Olivia. And I really don't want it to. I am loving breastfeeding her. She is easy to feed (unlike my sons who were both dreadful). I don't want to give that up. The doctor is giving me a couple weeks to pump enough milk so that I don't have to give her formula. I started this morning and I must admit I found it frustrating. I pumped for what seemed like forever and barely got 2 ounces. At this rate it will take forever to get enough for two days. And I am also worried about Olivia since she even refuses most soothers. I doubt she is going to take easily to the bottle. It will likely be a miserable couple days. Plus I have to pump during those two days to get the toxins out of my system so they won't transfer to her. Fun. I am also really hoping all this doesn't happen during the same time that I am supposed to be going away on my pastor's wives retreat. That would really suck. I called and made an appointment with our local lactation consultant and I am hoping she will have some tricks for me so that Olivia and I can both come out of this ok and still breastfeeding with ease. Seems like a crazy thing to be stressed about but I am really distraught over the whole thing. Sigh.
The specialist also told me that my thyroid could be causing my post-partum depression. But it might not be. Hard to tell. Gotta love that decisiveness.
And to top it all off tonight is our counselling session and our counsellor is coming TO OUR HOUSE to meet with us. My kids will be here... likely putting on their best show of insanity. My house right now looks like a bomb went off in it. I have a whole lot of cleaning to do. I have mountains of laundry. We'll be lucky if I am still coherent by the time the counsellor arrives. I may just be sitting in a corner rocking back and forth mumbling and drooling saying over and over again "everything will be ok, everything will be ok".
On the up side we had a wonderful lunch with dear friends of ours while we were in the city (I love you Dan & Connie, thanks for all your support and encouragement). And we also got to meet up for a brief visit with our dear cousin Chris (my husband's cousin) who lives in Toronto and was in Saskatoon on business. It was fabulous to see him because we haven't seen eachother since we left Ontario over two years ago. Chris and his wife had a lovely baby boy in January whom we have not yet met (maybe this summer?). Chris held Olivia and gave the appropriate oohs and aahhs that she deserves :) Family is good. It is hard to be so far away from those we love.